Dancer In The Dark

drunk

2004-07-31T06:18:00Z

drunk drunk drunk... im really fucking drunk... i just drove home.. shouldnt have.. cause im wikid drunk.. i need to sober up.. i need some sleep.. but im drunk.. and i cant.. trashed... trashyer then trash itself.... drunk drunk drunk.. someone help me... i need help... i love being drunk... i widh i werent right now though.. cause imalone.. and i just came back from the club.. i was with juli and courtney gagne wikid random i know.. but it was awesome.. and im drunk....

Long time long time

2004-01-04T20:13:26Z

SO, it's been awhile..so much has happened. but I'm not writing about it all.. not that anyone will read this anyway...
this are so confusing.... sometimes I'm on top of the world.. but not very often.. lately im just soo lonely.... looking around my room and looking at the pictures I have everywhere just makes me sad... i dont talk to like anyone anymore... i miss everyone.. i miss everything..
everything seems so fake.. and i just dont know whats real anymore.. I dont wanna feel anything any more.. im done.. I feel like I am doing nothing with my life.. like everything is useless.. im useless.. I dont know who are real friends.. i dont know who i can trust.. i dont know if i can trust...
im lonely.. no boyfriend... my best friend is a million miles away.. everyone i talk to now is old... and i dont even talk to them much.. only when i see them.. and i feel like even those relationships are fake.. im just so lost.. i dont know where im going.. or if im going aanywhere... i need something.. someone.. i dunno.. i just wish things were different

Back In The Saddle Again

2003-08-23T00:25:06Z

long time no write...
Things have been really busy..
im still Nannying all day long.. its been fun! Although i have no idea where any the money is that i made.. where ever it is... i dont have it.. which sux.. cause i am going to need a new car soon...
i went to NEW YORK.. IT WAS AMAZING! i loved it.. i took a dance class there... and went to a church.. and shopped... it was great

found out im going to be an AUNT... My brother Josh got his girl prego.. and shes due in January... im excited..

im also seeing a new guy.. his name is Ryan.. hes 30... but hes nice.. and hes cute.. only prob is.. my uncle wants to bash hishead in.. and is now saying he has disowned me..ill talk to him tonight... hopefully we can figure things out..

I miss everyone.. Holly, Kiki, David, james, all the methtown riders...

mooseknife @ 2003-08-21T19:07:00

2003-08-21T23:07:42Z

In Recovery

2003-07-09T02:22:50Z

my Own 5 step program
1. Admit you have a problem
2. Reach out for help
3. Eliminate temptations
4. Hand it over to God
5. Live moment by moment... one day at a time

Unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood, there will be no life in you..

2003-06-30T21:11:19Z

so .. i've been busy...
i dont really remember what i did friday night.. but sometime recently i went to the movies with Jake and we ran into T.J.!!!!! I was soo excited to see him! then saturday i went to an all day convention given by Scott Hahn.. he was soo aweseme to listen to. that night i went to support my dad and his band.. then Kiki dragged me out to Denny's! but its always good to see my Kikster!
Sunday i drove to Topsfield for the LaSallette Mass! its kewl.. so i think i found my self a permanent sunday home! I also hung out with Marty for a bit! that was fun! shes great.. im soo blessed to have her in my life!
I babysat today.. my usual weekday routine.. then i got a phone call from Sue.. who was on my Cursillo weekend.. she invited me into her group reunion.. and Marty and Janice are in it too! i was soo excited.. i honestly prayed for that soo many times!! and it all worked out!
Tonight im going to Liturgy.. and i hope to Fr.Martin.. b/c i need to ask him about recieving.. I was told i could by some people and i couldnt by others.. and its all confusing.. so Please please please.. i hope he says i can!
David... i need my hair cut haha.. and i dont have your home number.. lol

U+me=us

2003-06-27T01:18:42Z





	
	
	
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How compatible with me are YOU?

beach mass!

2003-06-27T00:56:30Z

There was a beach mass last night! it was the most beautiful place to be.. everyone was singing and praying.. and love was just felt every where.. God was truelly there... just as he is everywhere... but you could feel it.. it was amazing..
i came home and Marty emailed me... that made me sooo happy!
Nanny life is going great..it really makes me look forward to having kids of my own... hopefully i will... Being a nun.. or joining some peace cor type thing... is also an option... i dunno but im leaving things open.. where ever God wants to place me.. is where i plan on going...

RANDOM???

2003-06-27T00:52:45Z

4th day

2003-06-14T01:25:45Z

so.. its been going pretty good so far... i quit my job.. i decided im not going to new york... both seem like negative things i know.. but im actually ok with each decision... having faith means trusting that God will have things work out the way they are supposed to.. and he always does..
I saw kiki a few nights ago! very happy to see her! she might come to the healing mass on monday.. eventhough she thinks its a cult..
she got really thin.. and i got really jealous haha..
i am now on the coffee diet... they say coffee makes you not hungry.. so if you drink it alot youll eat less and lose weight.. so i went out and bought a coffee maker and stuff... we'll see what happens..

Jesus

2003-06-10T16:39:20Z

i had the best weekend of my whole entire life! i have grown in my faith.. i have met soo many beautiful people.. i am begining to become involved with a new community...i am closer to healing.. i am a cursillasta...i am loved.. i am not depressed.. i have a reason to be a live...

Go MAD!!!
(Make A Difference)

the distance murders my heart

2003-06-04T16:51:01Z

When it comes down to it....
we are even further away then i had thought...

work

2003-06-01T02:37:23Z

well.. i only worked for like two hours.. no one came in.. so i went home.. New York is slipping away more and more every day... :**(

lets see if the pics work now...

please make some money....

2003-05-31T23:41:01Z

first day of work... wish me luck!! SMOOCHZ!!

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first day of work... wish me luck!! SMOOCHZ!!

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Rain down on me

2003-05-28T17:19:06Z

i love the rain.. every one always thinks of it in a bad way.. but rain is water and water is cleansing.. its refreshing.. and when its done everything seems so much prettier.. i was driving in the rain and if i wasnt on the highway i would have gotten out to just sit in it.. i love it

photot shoot was amazing.. i havent had so much fun in a while! i wish i could find a decent agent.. and maybe id be able to do more photo shoots more often..

Natural Highs

2003-05-26T19:08:51Z

jogging in the rain this morning was amazing..
i was soaking wet.. jumping in puddles.. in the cemetary.. it was incredible... havent felt so energetic in a while... ive been complaining about how large i look but havent done anything about it.. well im realy going to try to be healthy.. no more not eating for weeks at a time.. or binging and purging... im gonna eat healthy.. they request 6 times a day.. split your meals in half and eat them at different times instead of all at once.... work out much more.. jogging will be my new thing..
tomorrow i have my modeling shoot.. i cant wait.. i just hope they dont put me in a two piece.. not ready for that yet...
I got medicine cards.. they say im a medium.. i just dont know how to use it yet.. CHarlie is going to teach me i think.. i really like her.. shes such a great person..
GOT a new job.. no more players! come visit me at GUIDO MURPHYS!!! and im getting my hair cut this friday.... right now life is good... add someone to share it with... and life would be great...

night in

2003-05-18T22:28:04Z

i have had a busy weekend..and little to no sleep... tonight im gonna stay in and rent movies... well ill probably go to james' with his boyfriend... although id be much happier if i had someone to spoon with.. lol
went to canobie today.. it felt alot smaller... but it was fun.. good day with the girls...
David went to the prom with Erika.. which i am very grateful for.. but at the same time jealous... and everyone said how cute they looked together... which made me more jealous... im so stupid.. why did it take me so long to figure out what i wanted..maybe if i could have figured it out sooner.. things would be going different.. but i guess its safe to say.. things really arent going anywhere... thats ok..i wish him the best.. and we'll always be friends!!

anyway.. my car passed inspection!! woo woo... and Ben invited me camping last night.. but i had to work.. i got home at like 3.. MY boss lets me drink after hours... hes nice.. but hes a jerk.. very complicated..
schools out.. i have to call soon to find out my grades... i wonder if they are ready right now?? ill go call...

mooseknife @ 2003-05-12T11:32:00

2003-05-12T15:37:33Z

weekend was pretty good!
friday night went camping with the old methtown riders haha.. i finally got to see my one and only kiki!! i was very upset though that david couldnt go...but i brought katherine.. so that was pretty kewl.. got home at like.. 3 i think... then had to get up for work for 8 the next morning...
it went ok.. but it was picture day at the studio.. and the photographer never showed up.. we had to call someone else.. and then players called for me to come early.. andi had to leave debbie by herself to deal with the parents... i felt bad.. and i couldnt go to kelly's cookout...
i was soo sick at work so bobby finally let me leave at 6.. and i went home i slept.. or tried to.. but i felt horrible...
MOthers day..gave my mom scrath tickets.. she won 50.. went to my aunts.. my mom and grandmother werent there... then went to blue man group.. got a blue man kiss... and drove home!! only we got lost and it took us an hour and 1/2 to get home!
gotta go to school today.. for a prefinal thing... thats about it... outta school.. call me so we can chill

SCHOOLS OUT FOR THE SUMMER!!

2003-05-09T01:29:39Z

woo hoo!!!! tomorrow is my last day.. one final on tuesday and i am sooo done!!!! cant wait to sleep late.. party all night.. go to the beach.. babysit the girls... go metal detecting.. ride motorcycles..maybe sub at mhs... make money at the bar...summer dance... NEW YORK CITY... LOTS OF BOYS!!!!
i love the summer...
soo tomorrow night (fri) i dont have to work.. if anyone wants to chill gimme a ring!!

mooseknife @ 2003-05-06T22:14:00

2003-05-07T02:16:20Z

-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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id be a good girlfriend.. haha if only i could find a guy to think so.. haha

thanks

2003-05-07T02:10:34Z

thank you soo much for doing this for me!! you have no idea how much it means!!! you just have to talk to her about when u are both free to go pick out the tux and stuff...like i said... ill get the flowers too.. call me for her number...

mooseknife @ 2003-05-05T22:01:00

2003-05-06T02:03:11Z

i give up...

mooseknife @ 2003-05-05T22:01:00

2003-05-06T02:01:46Z

your bitch.

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QUESTION FOR DAVID!!!!!!

2003-05-05T17:58:41Z

I got a call today from the dance magazine i interviewed with.. they want to use me on May 27th!!! all day free food.. and you keep the material you model in.. and get 3 cataloges with you in it.. and a box full of dance clothes and stuff!! its awesome!! i love it!!!!

DAVID!! im begging you to go to the prom with erika!! you wont have to pay for anything we will pay for the tux.. well find a cheap one or get a suit!! we will pay for it.. erika is buying the tickets and ill even buy the flowers if you want!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! May 16th.. its only a few hours of your life and i swear ill make it up to you!!!!! please.. im begging you.. just dont tell her im begging you lol.. call me!

I'll be

2003-05-02T02:10:10Z

ive called a bunch of times... no return.. ive shown interest.. no return.. maybe im just hoping for something that isnt there.. there is obviously no interest in me.. which i should just face.. i guess i just thought what once was..might still have a chance..but if hes not going out of his way.. than he doesnt want to and he doesnt want me.. which is upsetting.. but its reality.. right? or maybe he has someone else.. that he just hasnt mentioned... or maybe he just doesnt want me haha its ok.. im not desperate.. just dissapointed.. just wish hed tell me straight out.. so i didnt have to look for signs...
if you dont want me... if your not interested... than please say so.. i dont want to guess anymore..

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